RIP

Today marks a very sad day. The worst day. A day to be mourned for the rest of the year.

Today is the first day I will have to go without chocolate.

Little Squishy has been sad. Very sad. She is sad after I feed her, before I feed her, before she sleeps, after she sleeps and even during her favorite activity of all, her bath. Okay, not so much sad as more like royally pissed off.

Being as sleep deprived as I am, I didn't put one and one together. Mommy has been eating massive amounts of chocolate. Massive. We are talking at least four pounds all by myself during the month of December alone.

On Friday I decided to start a little experiment. I stopped eating chocolate. Saturday came and Little Squishy was fine. Happy, playing, smiling, talking. Fine. And then I fell. I buckled. That beautiful bag of Doves that DH had lovingly bestowed to me in my Christmas stocking called to me. Before I realized what I had done, I had eaten four pieces. FOUR! The next six hours were baby screaming hell. For four stinking pieces of choclate. Four. She cried, I cried, DH cried Okay, he really didn't. He was at work tying up some lose ends and I called him crying. Saying three were crying sounds so much better than just two.

This does not bode well for a woman who would glady let them open a chocolate IV in her arm if there was such a thing.

So it was decided. All of those yummy chocolates, all of those morsels from heaven will be devoured by my undeserving family, and not by yours truly. They don't do the laundry, make the meals, clean the toilets where their hineys sit. The undeserving louts get to stuff their sweet little faces while mommy sits here with the shakes and curses her very existence.

So please, offer up a prayer on behalf of my children and husband. They have chocolate in their blood. I may turn into a vampire. It is a case where I understand why some species eat their young.


Day One