3.22.2007

So What.

Something has been on my mind a lot lately.

It has been since I read this post on Lee's blog

I am a self-described "Skinny Person in a Fat Person's body" I am not your size two, heck, I'm not even in a single digit size. You know what else? For the first time in my entire life, I am comfortable in my own skin. I have never in my life felt as proud of myself and of who I have become. I wear the physical results of my life on my belly and my hips. So what!

Maybe it is my raging hormones, or maybe I have just had enough. But I have had it with the world seeing women who are overweight as an eyesore. I am tired of hearing about how we should all look like the women of Hollywood who have money for personal trainers and nannies to watch their children so they can go to the gym. Heck, now they are just adopting babies so they don't have to even bear the scars of babies and mess up their money making machines.

I am fat





and I am angry.

Angry that having a flabby belly that has been stretched out from growing a person inside of you is considered gross. I am angry that the twenty pounds retained from growing from a teenage body to a woman's body is considered disgusting. I am angry when I hear of mothers who are telling their daughters that they are overweight and they could stand to lose a couple of pounds and now they have made their daughters afraid of gaining any weight. I am angry at men who think that a womans body shouldn't be curvy. I am angry that my daughters are growing up in a world where their self-worth is contingent on their dress size. I am angry when I hear my friends feeling like they should be starving themselves to be presentable. I am angry that I have felt that way in the past. I am angry that these women who have not born the heartaches, the trials, and the lives of ordinary citizens are touted as our ideals. I am angry that I worry about when I enjoy a bag of chips, a cookie or a donut that people will look at me with disgust and think that I should go without. I am angry that every time I turn on the computer or the television I see them portraying the heavy women of television as crazy and angry. Well yes. I think we have earned that right. We have been beat down and criticized and demeaned long enough.

I am angry.

I have very few pictures of myself on this blog. I have done that for a reason. I don't want to be judged on what I look like. I want you to like me or dislike me according to my thought processes, my personality and my sense of humor. It is a terrible thing that I even had to consider that.





I am a beautiful woman not in spite, but rather because of my weight. I care deeply about my children. I strive for their happiness. I am a loyal wife, daughter, friend and sister. I pray and hope for others happiness. I have beautiful skin. I have beautiful hair. I love my eyes. I have good taste. I am creative. I am talented. I have been through terrible trials with grace and dignity. I forgive others easily. I am concerned for the welfare of others. I have grown two beautiful girls. I am working on the third. I have been pregnant or nursing or on medication of some sort since 2000. I have have a size 14/16 body. I wear it proudly.

22 comments:

Lei said...

Whooey! I got goose bumps hearing Tyra say that! Good for you, Stephanie. Stand up for your beautiful self and all other real looking women and be proud!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, baby! Go Tyra - let them kiss her fat-a...I loved your piece and Joy's video. Thank you for being happy with yourself. It inspires me to be happy with myself.

Tori :) said...

Awesome post! I'll join you in! I'll add my link to Lee's blog in the next couple of days. Thanks!

Jennifer B. said...

Amen, sister.

Suzanne said...

Great post! I love your picture! :D

kanga5 said...

That was so thought provoking!! I loved both of the video clips! Granted I still take the stand that I'd feel better if I ate better but I'm going to be ok with my body. I too am making a baby and I'm NOT going to look like the women in the maternity ads. Good grief!! We can't even be pregnant in peace. Thank you for making me feel better about who I am. Your picture is fabulous!

Blackeyedsue said...

Kanga5...I take the same stand. Eat healthy, exercise, stay active. I do all that. It is rare that I give myself a treat. I have the problem of DNA. I have a Native American metabolism in a refined White world. I eat healthy...I am very conscious about what goes in my body. I exercise 30 minutes a day four/five days a week, I eat my vegetables and fruits, I don't eat red meat, I am cautious about how much sugar I take in, I do it all with absolutely no results. It is frustrating that regardless of what I do, I haven't been able to obtain this "ideal". It makes me sad that I have beat myself up for so long over it.

I decided to be okay with myself. I feel great, I have energy, I eat right. Why not be happy with who I am? I have the choice to be miserable, or I have the choice to show my daughters that it really is what you are on the inside that counts. I will no longer subscribe to the notion that skinny people are better people. What a twisted world we live in if we believe that.

Liam's Mom - Gina said...

You are awesome Stephanie! Fabulous post!

I liked your last comment too. You are doing everything right. You are a healthy vital woman teaching your daughters the right paths in life. I admire you so much.

Liam's Mom - Gina said...

P.S. And I think you are one hot mama!

Rachelle said...

You go girl! Awesome post!

itybtyfrog said...

I think you are right! You are fabulous and gorgeous! Great post.

Dawn said...

I have posted on this problem in my own life - I will NEVER be small, but I do like to fit in my clothes, and can't really afford to get rid of them. But it is hard to keep the weight off and I get angry at a world that teaches us that we all have to be size 2 or less to be beautiful. Good stuff! You look gorgeous, BTW

utmommy said...

What an inspiring post. I often get caught up in trying to be the "ideal". I'm way from it. I'm trying to be happy with who I am. Thank you for putting things into perspective!

Sketchy said...

You are awesome Stephanie! Thanks for the clips. They and YOU are inspiring!

Lee said...

Thanks for joining in the crusade!! I 100% agree with you. It is great to feel okay with your skin. What a challenge in this life, but something I am praying I can pass on to my daughter. I think you are so beautiful, and I love your fire, and your energy.

Heidi said...

Beautiful...your words and you! Thanks and Congrats on your soon to be new addition!!!!

Code Yellow Mom said...

Wonderful post. you go, girl! I'm the same size, expecting a third baby, and I love how you said it here.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Wow, look at you, gorgeous girl! I admire your strength and courage to post a picture of yourself online - something I did once (then deleted).

If you figure that - this is going to sound totally un-PC - that most of women's fashion is designed by gay men, who admire and desire the male shape, where does that leave the women? And what's with the female designers who think it's more fun to dress a stick than a real chick with curves?

I say we tell them to shut up.

Cmommy said...

Girl, you are NOT fat. I wear the same size but the cellulite is waging a winning battle--even my arms are waving a white flag. (Oops, I think I just fell into the media trap.)

Great post~~~~~

The Lazy Organizer said...

You're gorgeous! If you were any thinner I would probably hate you. Isn't that the truth? Where can I get that shirt? I have to have it!!!

kooky kay said...

I have the same pose ... someone told me my arms look like a teenage girls thighs ... it was really hurtful ...

so I got back at that person ... no one should ever have the power to make us feel bad about ourselves ...

Adventures In Babywearing said...

You are beautiful- inside and out.

Steph