7.27.2006

Busting a Gut!!!

Did anyone see that? There was an anonymous comment in my post below that had a link attached. I followed the link. I couldn't believe my eyes!!! There is a post there taking you to familyesque blog/webpage. It is a darling blog with lots of fun tips and links and it linked back to my blog citing my marriage as a saved marriage.

Imagine that. My husband and I, the poster children for a saved marriage. I about died. If any of you knew us personally, well, you would laugh. We aren't exactly the "ideal", but hey, we try!

So being the queen of marriage that I am, I thought I would give you all a few *pearls of wisdom that we have learned during our nine years of wedded bliss.


-When you are mad, throwing your husbands underwear on the front lawn for the neighbors to inspect is NOT a good idea. Unless you plan on moving in the next year, expect this to be brought up at EVERY church function you attend.

-It is never a good idea for a son-in-law to tell his wife's mother that she has a wide butt.

-If your wife says she won't cook beets, she won't. No amount of pleading, begging and whining will get you there. It will inevitably end up being shredded when she throws it under the lawn mower you are pushing.

-Telling your husband "No s3x for you" when you are playing a game of Settlers of C@tan and he isn't giving you the cards you want, only works the FIRST time.

-When you are arguing, NEVER, EVER tape your wife so that she knows what she sounds like.

-When your husband has exceeded his hours playing computer games, there are better ways to solve it than taking his games into the back yard and destroying them with a little tool we like to call a hatchet.

-When you are mad and having a glaring contest, whatever you do, keep your smile under control. If you don't, you will both end up in peals of laughter and forget what it was in the first place that you were arguing about. Stinking laughter.

-Therapy, lots and lots of therapy.


In all seriousness, I love my husband. We both have traits that we could live without and we both do things that drive each other crazy. But at the base of it all, we love each other. We accept each other. We know that without each other, our lives wouldn't feel complete. I don't know if I believe in soul mates, but I do believe that I wouldn't have learned so many things or grown so much as a person if I hadn't married him. We work on our marriage every day. We forgive and forget, we expect great things from each other, and we always keep the future in mind.

Oh, and we laugh.


*I e-mailed my husband the rough draft of this, he thought it was great and even added a few of his own rememberings. For his sake, I left them out.

Gosh this is turning into a mushy blog.

32 comments:

Sketchy said...

Look at you in your wedded bliss, even a poster-marriage!

LOL at your tips. Yeah, gotta remember that glaring thing...

beth said...

I love it. I can't even imagine some fo the stories surrounding some of these "tips." Hatchets, huh?

Happy upcoming anniversary. Today is mine and Hubby's 3 year!

brandi ginn said...

Seriously? Did all those things really happen? I would've LOVED to take a hatchet to my husband's computer games.

You make me laugh!

Stephanie said...

Okay, on the hatchet incident, here is how it went down.

My husband had a *small* addiction to his games. It had been a HOT topic on and off for a couple of months. After he had spent an estimated total of 35 hours playing computer games in one week, I snapped. He left for work on Monday and I was so mad I grabbed the games, deleted them from his computer, took them outside next to the shed and grabbed the hatchet. In my not-so-sane state of mind, I was perfectly justified in killing his habit cold turkey. I sat out there and chopped them into teny-tiny bits until I felt better. The first thing he did when he came home that night was head to the computer. He asked me where his games were. I told him on the back lawn. He turned on the back porch light and saw little glitteries all over the lawn. He was understandibly angry and left to go cool off. When he came home, he had realized that although I had handled it poorly, I had a right to be angry and upset. Our family and our marriage had been neglected for the sake of him racking up points and being the best player out there. I would never suggest handling it that way.

He now does crossword puzzles.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

I'm wondering how on earth the underwear on the front lawn came into being. Did you really?

LOL @ "wide butt." These really pearls of wisdom.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

*really are pearls of wisdom

sorry

EmmaSometimes said...

LOVE love loved these.

Nikkie said...

Those tips are so funny! I can't believe that link though, that is also just too funny!

utmommy said...

Don't you just love remembering all the "fun" times. It seems that quite a few people are blogging about their hubbies. Maybe I need to do the same.

Stephanie said...

Yes. They all happened.

Granted most of them happened in the first couple years of marriage. The only recent one was the beet episode. That was last summer. I HATE beets. Told the DH that if he wanted to plant them he would have to plant, store, prepare them, cook them and eat them all on his own. He planted them and wanted me to do the rest. That dang beet sat on the counter for three weeks. It was kind of like the suitcase with the stinky cheese in "Everybody Loves Raymond". One night as he was mowing the lawn, he came in and we argued about the beet again. I finally said "Fine, I will cut up the beet". I picked it up , followed him outside and tossed it in front of the lawnmower as he was pushing it. I dusted my hands off, said "Your beet has been prepared" and walked into the house. He hasn't mentioned it since.

Stephanie said...

Oh, the underwear.

LOL, that is my favorite. When we had just moved into our first house, my husband had it in his head that I was supposed to do things a certain way...like his mom did. I folded his underwear the way I thought I should. Everytime he pulled his unders out he mentioned it. I guess that I don't handle criticism well, especially when it feels like Chinese water torture.

So I had a basked of clean whites. I calmly took my clothes out of it, picked up the basket, took it outside and shook the contents on the lawn. I walked back inside and told him "You can fold your own laundry from now on."

He just stood there with his mouth open. Did I mention that I am extremely passive-aggressive?

All of the neighbors dared each other to go and see what was on our front lawn. Now we are a legend.

He waited until after it was dark to pick them up so that the neighbors wouldn't be able to see him picking them up.

Now he just throws his underwear into his drawer.

Michelle said...

Oh my god, how much did I laugh at first the entry and now the comments! I love your stories! Hilarious, all of it!

LynAnne said...

Oh my gosh, i laughed so hard at these! Then I saw your comments and about peed myself laughing some more. I'd share some of these with my husband but I don't want to give him any ideas!

abc momma said...

I've erased the games before, but I don't own a hatchet--dang!

If I hadn't met you in person, I'd think you were my clone.

Kara Elmore said...

AHHHHhh - you two! Love it all! As for the HATCHET.... let's talk.

Adventures In Babywearing said...

I saw that- they linked me, too the other day and I actually saw she mentioned you before I read it in your comments!

I don't know how you are still breathing after your mom's butt was called wide. I.would.die.

Dawnyel said...

Stephanie....You are my hero!! You've been married 2 years more than I have, but you have learned a LOT!! Thank you for your "pearls of wisdom!" They are things I'll not soon forget....*underwear on the front lawn....*

Adventures In Babywearing said...

P.S. I must say that the hatchet to the X-box has *crossed my mind* but I would not be living to type this today if I ever were to give in to such a whim. Seriously.

And that's ok... I've compromised and we have a huge widescreen tv and he has to split screen with me-he plays his game while I watch all the Project Runway and America's Next Top Model I want, and talk to him about it the whole time... HA!

Linsey said...

I loved this entry, made me love Ryan a little more and remeber why we work so hard. I also laughed at some of the details behind some of these tips. LOL! A hatchet?!?! Awesome.

Amber said...

LOL! You are my inspiration. :-)

Morning Glory said...

"Working on your marriage every day" are some of the best words spoken. Nice post.

Thanks for stopping by my blog today. I've read all of yours and it's delightful.

Morning Glory said...

Oh, and you have adorable children, too.

Mel said...

These stories are too funny! I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Thanks!

Jen3 @ Amazing Trips said...

Yep - husband's. Mine actually told my mother (jokingly) "Shut up you old bag." She didn't take it as a joke. Neither did I. Neither did my 2 big brothers. But, Charlie really had meant well. It was a stressful time, and he was trying to break the ice. The ice broke all right ... and he fell in and drowned.

Good for you tossing the laundry on the front lawn. I would've loved to have been a fly on the wall in your neighborhood THAT day!!! :)

modernmama said...

Oh. my. gosh. I love this post! I am laughing so hard about the beet you threw in front of the lawnmower--
Oh, beets are to you like bananasinanyform are to me. Especially banana bread, since you have to use black, mushy bananas. No way. :)

Char said...

Peeing my pants. Seriously. HILAIRE!

RANDI said...

My hubby and i have lots of ups and downs too but we adore each other and we wouldn't want anything to be different! God is so good!

Gabriela said...

Ok, my husband and I are sitting here CRACKING UP. Thanks for the great post!

adwina - insparenting.com said...

Dear Stephanie, it's so nice to see your comments over mine. I'm so sorry about the anonymous comment, but I really didn't intend to do so. I guess I forgot to type my name.

Your post today is so funny. Can't believe the "pearls of wisdom" really happened *LOL*. Thanks again for sharing..

Love,
Adwina

Karen said...

Great tips! of course, whats the fun in following them all? I always suck at the withhold s3x thing- my husband is much better at it. isn't THAT weird? and if he really want beets, let him ask his mommy to make them for him, THEN she'll have something to hold over your head. or, one more thing to hold over you, anyway.

Tori :) said...

Great post!!! I can relate to a lot of your insights. :)

itybtyfrog said...

Sounds like you have had some interesting moments in your marriage! I am so glad you are able to forgive and learn and grow closer together through the experiences you have shared together.