6.18.2006

Baby Names Revisited

To Whom It May Concern in Hollywood,

It has come to my attention that your people are causing quite a disturbing trend among my people. It seems that since the birth of Apple, Pilot Inspektor, and Tallulah Belle, there are many “normal” folks who think the rules of Hollywood baby naming apply to them. In the past two months, innocent ones have been named atrocities such as: Jedrik, Dempacha, Cieryn, Jentri, Samara, Tylon, Treson, Jeryko, Mazin, Ocea, Meadow, Brogan, Kenyon, Russton, Daislyn and Xeyla.

It would be wise if you would also try to educate the people in basic spelling. I have noticed several misspellings as well. In an effort to save the sanity of Kindergarten teachers everywhere, I feel the need to make you aware of these blunders. Poor little Jinger, Ahlexix, Deaken and Deakyn have been sentenced to a life of spelling corrections, or rather, incorrections.

In an attempt to place their children at the top of the child name food chain and to maintain illusions of grandeur, some parents have given their unsuspecting offspring to names such as Remington, Titan, Gunner and Race.

Sirs, I have seen Survivor and I have even met several of the “castaways” due to an ill-fated relationship between one, Neleh, and my husband’s friend, however we thought the name died with her “over-before-it-started” broadcasting career. In twenty years there will be several more backwards Helen running around.

Moving on, Hollywood, I love my Dyson, Aveeno and Evian, but I draw the line when a baby has to live up to a vacuum, lotion or water that spells Naïve backwards.

If I hear of one more baby with the Hollywood stamp, I might just throw myself off the nearest bridge, and I am sure that in fifteen years, Angelina, Anastyn, Gwenyth and Paltrow will join me.

Since I am almost at the end of my rant, I will pay tribute to the last letter of the alphabet, the letter Z. Zaytrick, Zaymion, Zade, Zaden and Zye.

If you would be so kind, please tell the next celebrity to give birth to consider something “normal” so that Sarah, Katie, Nathan and Joshua can be reinstated into our society.

Sincerely,
The woman with the migraine headache


P.S. As bad as this is, at least none of the above mentioned children are stuck with the moniker, Paradys Skye.

21 comments:

Dawnyel said...

You crack me up!! I completely agree with this...I mean, I have grown up with my name and it's caused all sorts of trauma!! AH!

Code Yellow Mom said...

This is HILARIOUS! I have carried on several similar rants in my head, but don't think I could have done them justice as you have here.

I particularly have a problem with the "creative" spelling issue. I have enough problems with a name that ends in an "i" rather than the y, ie, or ee that people think it should.

Once my sister quipped that I should name my first-born LjiuDg, pronounced "Bob." Wonder how that would go over in Hollywood? Or Utah, as the case may be. :)

Code Yellow Mom said...

Oops - forgot to add - At least "Dawnyel" is phonetic. :)

jules said...

Hi, I am friend to Gabriella at La Vida Loca. Although I am a non-blogger, I love reading mommy blogs. Just wanted to tell you this post is hilarious. I completely agree.
Love your blog!

smartmama said...

LOL-i am most disturbed by anems that can in no strech of english language rules be pronounced the way the parent says it given the letters written- or the excess use of apostrophes or accents--i used to get some pretty creative ones when i worked at the hospital

Nikkie said...

That was hilarious! I totally agree with you! Those names must STOP!

elizabeth said...

this is a riot! and i agree with you 100%.

whats best is the babies named after objects...i'm waiting for "assfalt", "lyter", ooooh, what about "eyepod"?

great post :)

EmmaSometimes said...

NOOO kidding. I'm still partial to Moon Unit Zappa. That takes the cake..or is it the Caek?

utmommy said...

I agree, a lot of the names lately are horrible. What are people thinking?

Gabriela said...

I remember your "A" blog and I was trying to remember some of the names to tell Guapo. Now I have a whole new slew of names to tell him about! Thanks!

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

A big AMEN to this. People who don't spell their kids' names right completely drive me batty. Or people who give them made-up names. GACK!!!

Have you seen this? You think Hollywood's bad?

Stephanie said...

Naddin, I have seen that. I have even contributed to it. There are several members of my family whose names now reside on the list as well as several former and current neighbors.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

I kind of think that Utah started a trend that Hollywood just picked up on... we Mormons are so cutting-edge. I don't know who those Hollywood folks think they're kidding, being all "trend-setting."

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Not to be a comment hog, but I put your post in my faves. :)

Shelly said...

*snort* Too too funny! I completely agree!!

Oh and that Utah site has my sil's mom's name on it! And her sisters! (They're in the V's)

Rachelle said...

Oh I love to discuss names. Seriously, spell a child's name right. And give them a normal name. Holly wood really needs some help!

Brandi Ginn said...

HEY LOOK I figured out how to post on blogger accounts!!! Steph...did you write this? It's darling. TOTALLY true. Although I might be guilty of the wierd name thing...not too many people have heard of Brinley. But at least my spelling's pretty normal--right? And truth be told Alexa (name) is a NIGHTMARE. people don't 'hear' it...they think I've said Alexis or Alex. Natalie's the most normal :o)

handiemom said...

I had a great one the other day. A girl who came into my work with who's name was spelled "Dyzyray" but sounds the same as "Desiree". How frustrating! It totally looks Russian, what's up with that? I think you are right -- it is the Hollywood factor.

Gina said...

Just like the others... AMEN sista!

Loved this post!

Kik said...

I love that you posted this! It's freakin hilarious! And so true. My brother-in-law seems to think that Idahoans name their children even weirder names though. He once asked his cousin (whose children include Brielle, Kayleigh, Braxton, and 2 others I can't remember), "Are you going to name your next child Wolverine?". Hollywood really has to be the winner though. Seriously...just because your parents are rich doesn't mean you aren't going to be teased beyond all reason because of your name.

beth said...

Here here! Could not have been ranted better.

Is Treson pronounced like treason?