9.30.2006

A Big Question for Such a Little Girl.

Today my daughter asked me "What does it mean to be g@y?"

How do I answer that?!?!? I told her I would think about the answer and get back to her. I am avoiding the question, however when it resurfaces, and it will, I need help with the answer.

Oh, and we found out this week that someone I love dearly is expecting. She also asked me "How did she get that baby in her belly?"

Growing up is hard to do.

25 comments:

Nettie said...

Wow! I had to explain the g@y thing to my son, but not till a couple years after he knew about the birds and the bees. We told him about that when he was 8. You should have seen his face!

I haven't told my 9 yr old much yet. I've been meaning to, but I'm not sure I trust her not to tell my 6 year old. Definitely one of the more, um, delicate parenting tasks!

No Cool Story said...

You are so smart telling her you'd get back to her.

I'm with Nettie, we had to explain things to our kids such as homosexu@lity, @bortion (lovely isn't? hated that talk), but not till after (way after) they had a good foundation, line upon line, little by little: birds and the bees, many talks for their age level, starting when they were 7 and 9.

Why do they have to grow up? sigh, my sweet little innocent children.

Oh well, that's the way we did it, HTH, good luck.

Tori :) said...

My brother in law is g@y, so my kids kinda know- but not any gross details. Just that it's when a boy likes a boy for a boyfriend, etc...
There is a great book written by an LDS author called GROWING UP something or other. The author's name is Brad Wilcox. It talks about homosexu@lity, @dultery, etc...

Lisa M. said...

YIPES, is all I have to say!

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

The way we explained the g*y thing is that it's when boys want to marry boys and girls want to marry girls... they probably wouldn't understand "same sex attraction" and we're definitely not bringing any physical aspect into it, but marriage, they can understand.

As for the baby thing - I haven't had one of my kids ask me that yet, surprisingly. But I've been prepared with "It started growing there" and letting it go from there.

I read an old parenting book that said "give them tiny, simple answers to their questions and when they're ready, they'll ask for more." So far that's been working pretty well.

Nikkie said...

wow, those are some big questions. I'm not looking forward to answering these in the future!

Anonymous said...

I am anticipating more questions like these too. Preparing myself....

Gina said...

You WERE smart to say you'd get back to her! That way you and your DH can answer her together.

Heidi said...

I'm going to file the "I'll get back to you later" thing in my archives (LOL) for future reference. I am not looking forward to these questions but like Lori will try to prepare myself. Yikes

Anonymous said...

Wow. I haven't had to deal with those questions yet. I keep expecting too since I'm pregnant and all, but so far nothing. I'm sure now that I actually put that in writing, tomorrow everyone's going to be wondering how I got the baby in my tummy.

Dawnyel said...

Oh, gosh!! I don't know if I'd know how to deal with it! Ugh!
After reading thru your comments, I think you have some amazing advice...and I'm stealing it!! (HA!) I like the idea of telling them the truth, but in a way that THEY can understand and still answers the question. I don't believe in telling kids lies just because you don't want to deal with it! (So far, my hardest question to answer has been when Cam asked me what my sanitary pads were for!)

sheri said...

I'll link you to my friend Linsey's blog. Read the entry "Wanna Play G@y?"
http://butitsmymadworld.blogspot.com/

also, question. why is everyone putting the "@" symbol in the words?

utmommy said...

Those questions are so hard to deal with. I've been asked how the baby gets out. My sister told me to always be honest and brief. If they need a more in depth answer they'll ask. Good luck with the g@y question, I like modern millie's answer!

itybtyfrog said...

Good Luck! Let us all know how it turns out.

Sketchy said...

I've had the most success when I explain things from a spiritual level. HF designed our bodies for this...and then go from there.

Kara Elmore said...

OH.... I feel for you. Our boy just asked me how our baby was going to come out??? Will you answer for me??? Who spoke yesterday about the gay issue? I don't remember, but it was great! I like the simpleness, but always bring Heavenly Father into it. She'll always understand that one.

Carrie said...

Wow! That's tough! My hubby and I always ask each other how we're going to explain those things to our kids one day, and most importantly, WHO's going to tell them! LOL

In my opinion, it's better to tell them sooner rather than later! If you wait they can find out by someone you don't know in school and maybe not the way you wanted them told!

Good Luck!

Pattie said...

I've had to tackle the how babies are made recently. I solved it with a trip to our local Nature museum. They showed the life cycle of mice and chicks, complete with live incubators, pictures, and games. We talked about how babies are made in the simpliest of terms. They seemed satisfied...for now!
With regard to the gay question, I think if you are not sure how to answer something, it is OK to say you'll get back to her. I think children need honesty peppered with just enough information not to overwhelm them. Of course, where do you draw the line? I'm not sure...

Bright One said...

We did the g@y thing here too but it was because there was a girl at school who had "two moms". This was in 2nd grade so it wasn't like they were covering it in primary or anything.

At that time I pretty much left "orientation" out of it and just said that the little girl lived with two women because her dad wasn't living with them anymore and that she called them both mom because she loved them both like a mom. It wasn't until we were at Disneyworld, of all places, that I had to actually discuss the "confusion" some people have that makes them think it's okay for two men to kiss and hold hands.....we did a lot of talking about that one! I think D3 was about 9 at the time. To tell you the truth I've not felt it necessary to go into any more explicit things in terms of intimacy if you know what I mean...I'm sure someday it will come up but so far we've only discussed the pda's. Good luck! Wierd world we live in huh? What ever happened to the birds and the bees being the tough question?

Lei said...

Postponing the discussion as well... not because I don't believe knowledge is empowerment, but because I want it to go perfectly! Tough stuff.

adwina - insparenting.com said...

Wow.... I don't know what will I feel when the day comes...
So, how did you answer those questions, Stefanie?

Have you? And how did your daughter react? *curious*.

It's a coincidence that last night I was thinking about the last question your girl asked. oooohh... What will I answer if my child ask the same thing? Ummmmm.....

YangYuChun said...

Hi.
Tell her or not. It's not a question. Babies will grow up and things will be clear.
My son is 16 yrs and when he was a small boy I tried to avoid some questions but later I realised that he may understand much than I've been expected. Children learn things from books, television etc.

Suzanne said...

Hi Stephanie! I'm new to blogging, but you know me. (At least I think you do!) You were the maid of honor for one of the bloggers on here. I was the other bridesmaid. I hope to get to know you better!

The g@y issue is difficult. Luckily, my 6-year old son is completely naive about it. I agree with other posters by saying it's when two men or two women want to get married. Good luck! :)

Dawn said...

How sad that we have to answer this question. I was totally innocent on this subject for many, many years - blissfully so!!

Jettara said...

This is good question. I agree that it must be short and simple and make sure you understand what they are really asking. I heard a story once where a boy asked his mom what s@x was and so she took a deep breath and went into the whole thing. After she was done she asked why he wanted to know and he said that he had to pick M or F on a paper he was filling out for school.

At our house we basiclly told our kids that it is when two people of the same gender like each other. We had do deal with this since recently one of our family members came out of the closet and the kids wanted to know why he was not married to his wife anymore.

Good luck.