6.25.2006

To Multiply or Not, THAT is the Question

Just a story that I had to share.

On Saturday J and I were discussing the BIG question that has been plaguing us for several months...do we want another baby. If I didn't have to be pregnant, I would say yes in a heartbeat. However, I do have to be pregnant to have another baby and I am scared to death...I still remember the last two pregnancies. I remember being sick and violently throwing up AT LEAST four times a day. I remember the painful vericose vein running through an area it shouldn't have been, I remember the HUGE ankles that caused stretchmarks. I remember not gaining any weight until my last two months and feeling disgusting because my body was eating itself. I remember taking Phenogren and Zofran so that I could attempt to eat, I remember the first one being a preemie and having some small difficulties breathing. I remember trying to stop early labor in the second, then once we did she did one not come as soon as she should have because of a short cord wrapped around her head and wrist and having to birth an eight and a half pound baby and her head and wrist NATURALLY while only dialated to an 8. Gray, non-crying babies are SCARY! I remember it all.

Not to mention that since DH is self-employed and we have to pay for babies out-of-pocket because our insurance doesn't cover maternity.

Money aside (we can afford this, it's just inconvenient), we are kicking around the idea. Like I said before, I would have one in an instant if I didn't have to suffer through pregnancy. DH is not saying one way or another. I think he really wants to have another, but he worries about how I react to pregnancy.

I know I shouldn't whine because I am very lucky to be able to have children and be pregnant...very lucky, I am just a whiner...and a wuss.

So trying to pawn my decision off onto someone else, I turned to my two-year-old and I asked her if we should have another baby. She just looked at me. We were also trying to get out the door and I told her in the next sentence to get her shoes on. She yelled "YAY, lets go look at babies, Yay!"

If only it were that easy.

40 comments:

Gina said...

Yes, if only it WERE that easy... DANG! Pregnancy sucks, I hear you! And I am glad you didn't "forget" like everyone says you do. I still haven't forgotten, but I do know women that say they are ready like the moment a baby flies out of their privates!!! Some women were born to procreate without flinching. And some of us (me) were not! Blessings to you in your quest to find an answer and the comfort you need.

I am sorry for your scary and painful experiences.

No Cool Story said...

I'm also wuss and a whiner, I know the feeling (I cried when I was pregnant the second time, because it’s so scary).
But you definitely had some frightening experiences, :( Glad your babies are ok, dressing cool and all and wanting to “Yay! Look at babies” :)

handiemom said...

Wow -- you've had some rough pregnancies. I feel for you and hope you have the Spirit with you to make the best decision.

My problem is I don't really have a problem with my pregnancies. So it's like "why not have another?" Until the child turns about 3 and start to scream at me and I think "maybe this wasn't such a good decision."

Michelle said...

Oh, how sweet! Let's go look at babies! I'm sorry you had such a rough time though..

smartmama said...

I know the feeling i am on 2 shots a day and 20 pills a day + vomitting- it is miserable (and then there is the whole m/c issue(i've had 7) but if anything i realize its 9 months of utter sheer torture but in the end so worth it-- what better things to spend $ on? So I will always say-- go for it (esp when i am not the one to be tortured!)

aquamarine said...

I am with you there, in contemplation and situation! One of mine had the cord and was blue, no one told me till after I delivered and torn myself to pieces down you know where, because they had me push him out so fast. I cried after I found out because had they told me I would have been able to push even harder to save him. (He is a very healthy boy now, no worries.) :) I have vericose viens and feel for your pain and discomfort! I to badly would like another if it was just, "..let's go look at babies!" I think about it every day. My husband is also were your's is. He would like another too, but is afriad of losing me in the process!

Life's dilemmas, what to do with them?

Sorry, I have a feeling I didn't help much on the decision process, but atleast you know you aren't alone!!!

theresa said...

Ditto Steph! I am a terrible preg. person. The first one I vomited until the second trimester and ended up having a c-section because she was breech. Then, miscarried, then preg. and had placenta previa (where you bleed through almost the whole pregnancy and are almost bedridden- some are.) I was also on Zofran the whole time with the second. We throw around the idea but I'm not sure. Hubby wants more but I just stink at being pregnant. So far it's gotten worse for each one and not better. I feel your pain. I'm just going to pray about it and hopefully God will let us know one way or the other.

Praying for you for the right decision.

Vlyb said...

I feel ya...Suppositories so I can keep food down, gray non-crying baby, throw up til I black my own eyes from the heaving woman here too!

I'd have 7 or 8 if it were that easy!

Dawnyel said...

I hope you can find the answers that you need! I only WISH it were easy for me...we've been TRYING for baby number 2 for 4 years! I was ALSO miserable when preggo and had some scary times after my son was born, but I look at the results. If me being miserable for 9+ months is something I have to do for my child to have the experiences he can gain in a larger family, I'm ALL for it! I hope you can find your answer!

BTW...LOVE that your daughter wants to go baby shopping! :)

Nikkie said...

I feel for you! I had a very difficult pregnancy and a premie my first go around too. I totally understand the feelings of hesitation. I got very sick to my stomach the whole time, with dangerously high blood pressure, multiple trips to the hospital with month long stays. I'm scared to death to have another one, scared it would kill me, or kill my baby. But if I could do it with out all that crap, I'd do it all again.

I'm sure that did not help at all. I'm sorry that you had a harder time then I did! I hope that if you do decide to do it again, that God will Bless you with an easier time!

Glass Half Full said...

Oh, I remember when our son was about to turn 3 we wrestled with that decision: pregnancy again, going thru the hideous crying spells and midnight feedings -- all the sacrifices having a baby comes with. It took over a year until we conceived Mark and then BAM, I was brought back to square one. His pregnancy was more difficult than my first and he was way fussier too.

Now that Mark is one I am SO thankful I made the decision to give Matthew a brother. Pregnancy and the first year is such a sacrifice, but it produces a HUGE blessing.

Let us know what you decide. No matter what YOU know what's best!!!

By the way, gotcha linked!!! :)

txmommy said...

babies are so sweet! It's not an easy decision though, I hope you will find an answer that will give you peace. Pray about it:)

Dawnyel said...

BTW...love seeing your face again!! LOL

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Yikes. I consider my pregnancies easy compared to yours - the only complication I had was the C-section thing. I'm so sorry it's hard for you. This is such a personal issue... I wouldn't even try to persuade you either way.

We almost didn't have #5. I was ready to do the tube-tie thing and told my doctor so with #4, but I knew it was wrong immediately. So we decided not to. During the last month of pregnancy with #5, I KNEW I was done. I needed my brain back. Now #5 is almost 2, and so much fun and so beautiful, I say to hubby all the time, "What if we hadn't had her?"

So make the choice - in theory - and see how you feel either way. You'll be guided by the Spirit.

Nicole said...

I am so sorry you have so many scary and yucky things go on during your pregnancies. I am VERY fortunate to not have any of those problems with mine. Just keep praying about it. You will get your answer either way. You may not like the answer, but you will get one. Good Luck!!

Code Yellow Mom said...

Right with you - Only I don't mind being pregnant (felt great for both - I know I'm lucky) - it's the first year after that completely paralyzes me, just thinking of it.

My 3-year-old tells me regularly that we need a "sister baby" now - he'll probably convince me if he says it four hundred more times. But too bad you can't window shop specifically for sister babies, either.

Wish you the best with your decision...

Nettie said...

"Going to look at babies" is so cute! A friend used to joke that "Baby Sales" really were. Kinda poignant, though, since she was infertile.

I've always thought that since God doesn't give us more trials than we can handle, and since we need trials to grow, I'd rather choose my own. And what better compensation could a trial have than another child to love. But, what you do is, of course between Him and you and your husband. I'll pray for you that the decision comes easily, and the pregnancy, also, if that is the path you head down.

(What decision will you have wish you had made in 20 years from now?)

Valarie said...

I so know where you're coming from. I wish it was an easier decision. I'm on the wuss and whiner list, too. I wasn't excessively sick, but slept the whole way through the first trimester. How am I supposed to do that with a toddler? I'm not even going to start on what an emergency c/s and unexpeted NICU stay will do for your drive to reproduce.

utmommy said...

Sorry to hear your pregnancies were so scary. But, you are lucky that you can have babies.

Adorable comment by your daughter!

Carrie said...

We are going through all this now. I just would rather skip pregancy and the first three months of the baby's life where I start to feel like a normal human being again. I am glad that I can have children after going through secondary infertility (I have a 12, 4, and 2-year-old), but my pregnancies are not a good time for me or anybody else that lives within the walls my home.:) I just feel like there is at least one more, but I am not sure if I am ready to go through it all again. Praying for you. Good luck.:)

itybtyfrog said...

We are working on having baby #4. Somedays I think I should have stopped at 2, but then I look at my sweet baby K, and could not imagine life without her. Somedays I say we are done, but in my heart I know I would probably regret that decision down the road. I have asked several people lately how they knew they were done. Some of them said it was for health reasons, or their husbands didn't want more. My good friend says that if you leave any possible doubt about whether to have another one, that you will have another. I hope things work out for you and J. It is so hard to sacrifice our bodies for those little babies, but as soon as you see those sweet little things it makes it all worth it....until they turn 3 and then you start to wonder! Good Luck making your decision.

Stephanie said...

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words and support. We will most likely start trying in August (preferably September). I have a tendency to get pregnant on the day I ovulate--which by-the-way, makes for a very LONG pregnancy. Expect some news sometime in October.

I tell people that is when we will try because I want a spring baby, the real reason is that it will take me that long to convince myself.

You ladies are the best!!!!

Stephanie said...

P.S. Nettie: Love how you put it! I adore my siblings and I want my kids to have the same experience that I have had. I know that in the end it will be worth the nine months(or eight in my family).

I may have mentioned in a past post that I have trouble with a global view...I have a hard time with next week!!!

momofalltrades said...

I am a fellow member of the wuss and whiner club. I said I was done after two, then cried for three days when I found out about number three. Good luck with making your decision!

Zoe said...

Oh my gosh, you are like my twin pregnancy sister . . . except for the premie part! I hear you. It is sooooooo hard to consciously go into the decision to get pregnant. It is weird though because with this one (#3) I actually forgot what it was like . . . and I wanted to be pregnant. I think that #4, my last (it will be a miracle if I consent to it before 10 years!) is really going to take a huge effort. I am sorry that it is so hard . . . it doesn't seem fair. I mean, if we are suppose to multiply and repleanish the earth, why does it have to be so hard!! Oh course, once you hold that little miracle in your arms . . . it is all worth it. Nothing brings me more joy than my little creations!

Zoe said...

Hey, I didn't realize that you were from Utah. Where? I live in Saratoga Springs.

Amber said...

WOW! Those are some scary pregnancies! I would have a baby in an instant (despite the pregnancy, delivery, baby parts) if I could a. lose 100 lbs at delivery and b. get to skip age 20 months-3 1/2. If they came back potty trained that would be fabulous.

Katherine@Raising Five said...

I loved being pregnant, even though I was on some form of bedrest with 4/5. I guess it's that feeling of awe. I always say that the first two kids are the hardest. After that it's just one more plate on the table.

When (and if) you're ready, you'll get to the point that you don't care the "cost" anymore. For me it's a rationally irrational desire.

Keep us posted!

Brandi Ginn said...

I definately see your concern, you've had rough pregnancies. But watch out...the Lord has a way of making the decision for you :o) Our little Natalie was such a surprise that I had to take the calendar into the Dr. and ask how this was possible...let me just say that it IS possible to conceive 5 DAYS after the deed was done!

Pattie said...

Stephanie,
Deciding to have another baby is a big decision, I understand, particularly when your body goes through so much to have one.It sounds like you had a rough ride!

I love your daughter's take on it...if only it were that easy!

ShelahBooksIt said...

I'll be pg for you if you'll raise mine through their seventh year for me, lol.

Stephanie said...

Shelah...I'm game for that!!!

Dawn said...

I didn't realize how blessed I was with easy pregnancies and stress-free births. But I paid for it years later!

Kristen said...

I'll be a surrogate for you, if you want. ;-) That way you could have a baby and not have to be pregnant.

I'm sorry your experiences with pregnancy were so scary and frustrating. It would be so much easier if they could just arrive with a stork, huh?

Baby shopping....that's cute. :-)

beth said...

I think there are so many of us who can relate to this. I know Hubby and I will want another baby once Sam is just a little older, but when I think back to the difficulties we had in the birth I have major reservations. It's hard to knowingly choose to put yourself through some of this again.

Now, I owe you a huge apology. You wrote a really nice comment on my blog a few weeks ago, one I truly appreciated. And I thought I had come here and written back to you, but upon coming back to check in today I see that it is not there. I don't know if it was during that time when Blogger was so bad so it didn't post, or if I wrote it in my head and forgot to come back and type it, or what. I don't know. But thank you for your comment and I will certainly be back.

ABC Momma said...

I loved the pregnancy part. I have a hard time with the post-partum stuff. My husband decided that he was done and got himself a little operation. I am now coming to the realization that he was so wise. I will always be just abc momma--in this life.

Sabra said...

cute. sorry your pregnancies/deliveries are so hard. But, going by how cute your girls are, I vote have another. you know, because my opinion matters so much in these things :)

Kara Elmore said...

Let me just tell you I BUSTED up laughing OUT LOUD and can't stop! LOVE IT

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